Keeping Current:

  • Because your movement through life is multidimensional it is impossible to measure all of where we are at any one time. Not only does the very act of measuring change who and where we are, but by the time we finish measuring, we have moved. What is valuable is focusing on areas of particular hardship or success you wish to learn more about.

  • Along those lines, stay current with yourself and loved ones in the areas that matter. If yesterday you communicated feeling forty percent closer to your lover, how are you feeling today? Ten percent closer still or are you now becoming more distant and by how much?

  • We say "I" but in truth there are many "I's." There is the "I" that is at work, the "I" on vacation, the "I" during tender love-making and the "I" that feels threatened by a bully. Each "I" or "persona" is slightly or dramatically different from the others. Often it is not "I" that changes, but a shift in the dominant persona brought about by the environmental circumstance. You may have a very affectionate courting persona that lasts for the duration of the courtship, but a frightened and defensive persona that dominates once the relationship begins. Although we say "I" for each of these personas, it's helpful to know that we are always moving about between them and that what is true for one may not be true for another. For this reason it may be helpful to name your personas and measure when you are in one and when you are in another. This can help you make sense of why you want something and pursue it, but then run away from it when it is there. They are not the same parts of your self, but at a casual glance you may appear crazy to either yourself or another. Once you develop your awareness you can start communicating these shifts: "I'm in my distant mode and don't want to talk about anything unless I bring it up. Now I'm entering my critical mode and everything anyone does is wrong. It's not about you. Now I'm hyper sensitive to being laughed at and am unusually affectionate. Where are you?" These kinds of comments and observations can create unusual transparency with yourself and another you trust.

Measure Your Relationship
Tools for seeing and being seen