Life Partner Questionnaire

Writing your answers to the following questions will tell you a lot about your self. Having a potential life partner answer the questions as well, and sharing your answers with each other can be a powerful tool in seeing and being seen. 

Keep in mind that your answers only reflect where you are right now, so next week or next year your answers may be different. The purpose of seeing one another more clearly is to create an intimacy based on the reality of where you both are, however close or far apart your answers are at this time.


1)Describe the most important elements of your life both in their current form and the functions they fulfill. As an example, one item may be: Friends with Jane, with a function of expressing play, exercising your body, and giving and receiving love in the course of that relationship.

2)Create a succinct mission statement for your life that reflects your values, your essence, and why you are here on the planet.

3)What are your most important dreams in life? When you die, what do you think will be the most important aspect of the life you have chosen to live.

Emotional/Psychological Profile:

1)Describe your core wounds and what incidents related to causing them.

2)Describe how you are triggered and sensitive as a result

3)Describe what support you would like to receive around these wounds

4)List the areas you are most likely to be abusive or offensive to others in general:

5)List the areas you are most likely to be abusive, offensive or misunderstood in romantic connection:

Current Social Profile:

1)Succinctly describe your social preferences. Do you prefer groups or one on one? Do you like fewer and deeper or more and lighter?

2)Make a list of all the groups currently in your life and the function they fulfill. An example might be: "I go to toastmasters on Monday in order to meet my need to feel like I am improving, and my need to be appreciated." Then use a 1-10 scale to grade how well each group achieves it's objective. In this example, you might give toastmasters an 8, because you are growing your speaking ability rapidly and come away feeling highly appreciated.

3)Make a list of the people in your life and the functions they fill physically, emotionally, spiritually, and their importance to you at this time in your life.

4)What do you see as your most important social challenge at this time and how can your partner support you?

5)Describe your 100% for a romantic partner in as much detail as you would like. 

6)Make a list of what upsets you most in personal relationships and rate the item from 1-10 (ten being what most upsets you)

7)Make a list of specific things/ways of being that a partner could do to make you feel really loved. Mark each item 1-10 (ten being things that make you feel really loved)

8)How important is blood family to you and what does it look like to you to be in integrity with those relationships?

9)Do you plan to be a parent? On a 1-10 scale how important is that experience to you?

10)Deal breakers: Please outline what the deal breakers are in a relationship for you.

Spiritual Profile:

1)Write out your core beliefs. (An example might be "I believe I am divinely guided and will follow my intuition even if it does not make sense initially." As you can imagine this belief might clash harshly with a partner who believes that "A responsible person always uses their mind first and does not follow their feelings."

2)Describe your current spiritual routine and how that brings you closer to the divine.

3)Are you open to jointly creating other spiritual paths? 

4)If so, what elements will be important to you?

5)What do you feel are your greatest strengths?

6)How are you wanting to bring these strengths to the world in service?

Health and Well Being:

1)How would you describe your health?

2)Is there any ongoing health concern you face?

3)What is important to you in the way of routine and practices to take great care of your body?

Current Time Profile:

1)Create a profile of how you currently invest your time daily, weekly, monthly and yearly. Next to each item note the amount of minutes currently spent for the period in question on an average basis. Also note the functions each time investment achieves mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.

2)List all current commitments at work and to others that you would need to renegotiate before changing. Highlight these in red. 

3)Note all the things that you are currently planning to do, but which could be changed without breaking a a commitment. 

4)Note any big blocks of time in the next 12 months when you currently have time to invest in a new relationship. 

Your Ideal Romantic Relationship:

1)Make a list of the things that deepen an experience of love for you:
a.Questions you like to be asked
b.Gifts you like to receive
c.What thoughtfulness looks like to you
d.What courtesy’s are important
e.How you feel respected
f.What makes you feel safe
g.What turns you on
h.What earns your respect
i.What activities you want to do

2)       What destroys love and romance for you:
a.What turns you off
b.Conversations you don’t like
c.What gifts you don’t want to receive
d.What things leave you with an impression of thoughtlessness
e.When do you feel disrespected
f.What loses your respect
       g.What activities do you not want to do

3)What do you see as the gifts you bring to me that you would like to give me?

4)What are the gifts you see in me that you would like to receive?

5)What do you want me to learn/change so that you will be more comfortable or happy in a life together?

6)What don’t you want me to know about you?

7)Describe in as much detail as you can, what your ideal life looks life with a relationship partner over a 3 month period. Please include:
  • What and when you do to maintain the relationship
  • All the areas you spend time together
  • What the energy and nature of the relationship is
  • Why those things are important to you – the functions they perform.
  • Alone time, activities.
  • Amount of sex/ touch/ spending time together.

Current Financial Profile:
1)What is your credit score?

2)List your liquid assets:

3)Current debt and payments:

4)Current yearly income after taxes: $

5)How much are you currently spending per month on such categories as:
ii.Personal development
iii.Spiritual development
iv.Alone time fun
v.Social fun
vi.Retirement and Investments
vii.Long term goals
viii.Home Improvement

6)How much new money do you feel comfortable allotting to this relationship per month?

7)Anything you want your partner to know about your financial profile?

The most important person to be intimate with this information is...


However, sharing this information with a partner provides an instant view of many things which often take years to discover in a relationship, and lead to bitter disappointments when they do finally become clear. Keep in mind that sharing this information does not change the reality of what is at all, it simply lets both of you know going into a relationship exactly who you are. It also gives both of you the information you need to consider re-building an entirely new life together using the raw materials you both bring to the table.

Measure Your Relationship
Tools for seeing and being seen