Everything can be seen as a pattern.  A pattern is a circular momentum with a tendency to repeat in certain key ways. The "key" is noticing what forces define a pattern: For example you may have a completely erratic pattern of behavior around money in all kinds of ways with the one common denominator to all those ways being that you will never have more money than your dad does in his checking account for more than two weeks. Every pattern of this kind is held in place by a thought and an emotion which one will experience resisting any effort to change. 

 The value in noticing a pattern is the opportunity doing so provides to shift the cycle in a more valuable direction. It also gives you freedom to choose within the pattern until such time as you are able and/or willing to break it. For example, if you have realized that you absolutely will not have more money than your dad and have observed yourself self sabotaging when necessary to maintain this pattern, you might consider giving a large chunk to charity to when you "have too much" before you crash another car or have a health crisis. In other words, each pattern has certain laws, but you have freedom in deciding how to honor those laws once you know what they are.

What patterns define your life? Which are the most destructive and the healthiest? Which patterns do you feel powerful to change and which bring up too much resistance?

  • Sleep patterns.
  • Patterns for avoiding pain.
  • Self destructive patterns.
  • Patterns of self sacrifice.
  • Patterns of giving gifts.
  • Patterns of receiving gifts.
  • Patterns of falling in love.
  • Patterns around money.
  • Patterns around sexual arousal.
  • Patterns of relationship intimacy.
  • Patterns of emotional release.
  • Patterns of grieving.

Each pattern may have sub patterns. Perhaps your sleep pattern is to sleep for eight hours from whenever you go to bed except when you have hot sex or are on a deadline, in which case you sleep six hours. This may have a sub pattern of wanting to read or write quietly half an hour before bed, then turn out the light, and after being quiet, snuggle up to a partner. In the morning you may grunt for the first half hour and then be bright and communicative. Or any of a million other variations...

The power in understanding and communicating our patterns in part is that patterns often clash. They are like gears, which either grind or fit nicely, depending on the care at which they are shifted and the use of the clutch to ease transition. When we can talk about our patterns up front we can see how they will likely fit and clash and arrange to be present or absent depending on the degree of probable harmony at that time.

One of the hardest things to do is to define the key elements which drive each pattern. Meditation, discussion with a friend and journaling can all provide clues about core patterns. As you discover patterns, consider writing them down and sharing those those which affect others with the people closest to you. 

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