Measure Your Relationship
Tools for seeing and being seen
On a one to ten scale, measure your effectiveness in each of the following relationship skills. If you have a partner, have them measure you as well and notice how similar your findings are. If your partner is willing, invite them to do the same.
- Do you pick up on other’s non verbal feelings empathically?
- Are you psychic and/or very intuitive?
- Do the words “heart orgasm” make any sense to you?
- Does your touch sooth other’s tender emotions?
- Do you know what other’s want non verbally?
- Can you listen for a long time and track all that has been said?
- Can you be empathic even when you strongly disagree with what your partner is saying?
- Can you feed back what your partner says accurately?
- Is your tone of voice reassuring?
- Do you make sounds or movements that show you are present?
- Are you able to stay interested in another’s heart share?
- Are you able to refrain from inappropriate interruptions?
- Are you able to frame your thoughts in words easily?
- Are you comfortable speaking in front of groups?
- Is your voice dynamic and engaging?
- Are your gestures engaging and respectful of other’s boundaries?
- Are you able to maintain awareness of your audience?
- Do others understand what you say easily?
- Can you pause when others are overwhelmed by your words and include them?
- Are you able to distinguish between a feeling and a thought (“I feel angry” is a feeling “I feel like you are doing X” is a thought not a feeling)?
- Are you able to make I statements most of the time?
- Do you know what your boundaries are?
- Are you able to articulate them?
- Do you tell people what your boundaries are ahead of time so they can respect them?
- Are you able to assert your boundaries easily when people cross them?
- Are you able to hear a request?
- Do you remember other’s stated boundaries?
- Do you ask people before you cross questionable lines?
- Do you ask permission before bringing up sensitive issues?
- Do you ask permission before touching someone who has not invited that?
- Do you ask permission before borrowing/touching other’s things?
Are You Comfortable Feeling and Expressing Your Emotions?
- Do you have good body coordination?
- Are you good at multitasking?
- Are you present when you are with another?
- Are you sensitive to what is appropriate in groups?
- Is your humor well received?
- Do naturally care about the well being of all of the members of the groups you belong to?
- Are you able to negotiate your own needs in a group setting?
- Do others feel safe around you physically and emotionally?
- Do you have a sense of who you are, independent of who you are with?
- Do you know your weak points in life and relationship?
- Are you at peace with your potential to cause great harm?
- Do you know when you are triggered?
- Do you know your strengths and gifts in life?
- Do you have a sense of your inner beauty independent of your behavior?
- When you are triggered can you consciously step back and tend to your own needs?
- Can you put your emotional and physical well being above the needs of others when it feels right?
- Do you appreciate yourself and see your own beauty?
- Do you care well for your body’s daily needs?
- Do you care for your long term health?
- Are you able to design and hold a space for both you and your partner based on what is needed at the time for energy to flow?
- Can you consciously create your own fun and bring that to your partner?
- Are you aware of the gifts and price of your choices and are you creating the life you want with that awareness?
- Do you take responsibility for winning?
- Do you trust yourself more than your partner?
- Can you consciously create the relationships you want?