What Love Looks Like:

Do you feel totally loved? What does total love look like? Is there a way that your definition of perfect love can happen logistically (by logistically I mean: people are not psychic so if your picture of perfect love involves your partner reading your mind all the time it's not logistically viable).

In order for you to know how much you are loved it is first important to define that love and then to communicate that to your partner. There are infinite ways to love and be loved, so what is important in creating win/win is finding a partner who would like to love you in the ways you would like to be loved, and who values the love you give in the form that you give it. 

Consider writing ten specific things that each give you a feeling of being perfectly loved by your partner. Remember that just because you share this with a partner, does not mean they are supposed to do it. However, if a partner does want to please you, the odds of them doing so go up dramatically if they know exactly what that looks like in your mind. Here are a few options to consider as examples:

  • When you pause for a few seconds before responding and look at me with an expression of interest, I feel fully loved.

  • When you bring me yellow daffodils and a card in soft pastel colors I feel loved.

  • When you treat me to whatever restaurant I desire and encourage me to order whatever I want I feel loved.

  • When you touch my pussy with your tongue patiently for more than half an hour and don't expect anything in return I feel loved.

Consider sharing your list of ten items with your partner and inviting them to do the same. Talk about which areas on each other's lists really work well for you to give and which ones do not - and why.
Measure Your Relationship
Tools for seeing and being seen